#I felt extreme joy paralleled by extreme loss of myself

[skinreflectsthesun]

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[pamphletstoinspire]

The Transverberation of Saint Padre Pio

With Images:

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/transverberation-saint-padre-pio-harold-baines/?published=t

Transverberation (Caption for linked image)

Heart of St. Padre Pio (Caption for linked image)

On October 24, 1921, Padre Pio made this drawing of the side wound on a business card of Cardinal Silj. (Caption for linked image)

***

St. John of the Cross describes the phenomenon of transverberation as follows: The soul being inflamed with the love of God which is interiorly attacked by a Seraph, who pierces it through with a fiery dart. This leaves the soul wounded, which causes it to suffer from the overflowing of divine love.

World War I was still going on, and in the month of July 1918, Pope Benedict XV who had termed the World War as "the suicide of Europe" appealed to all Christians urging them to pray for an end to the World War. On July 27 of the same year, Padre Pio offered himself as a victim for the end of the war. Days passed and between August 5 and August 7, Padre Pio had a vision in which Christ appeared and pierced his side. As a result of this experience, Padre Pio had a physical wound in his side. This occurrence is considered as a "transverberation" or piercing of the heart indicating the union of love with God.

As an interesting side-note, a first-class relic of Padre Pio, which consists of a large framed square of linen bearing a bloodstain from "the wound of the transverberation of the heart" in Padre Pio's side is exposed for public veneration at the St. John Cantius Church in Chicago.

With his transverberation began another seven-week long period of spiritual unrest for Padre Pio. One of his Capuchin brothers said this of his state during that period:

During this time his entire appearance looked altered as if he had died. He was constantly weeping and sighing, saying that God had forsaken him.

In a letter from Padre Pio to Padre Benedetto, dated August 21, 1918 Padre Pio writes of his experiences during the transverberation:

While I was hearing the boys’ confessions on the evening of the 5th [August] I was suddenly terrorized by the sight of a celestial person who presented himself to my mind’s eye. He had in his hand a sort of weapon like a very long sharp-pointed steel blade which seemed to emit fire. At the very instant that I saw all this, I saw that person hurl the weapon into my soul with all his might. I cried out with difficulty and felt I was dying. I asked the boy to leave because I felt ill and no longer had the strength to continue.

This agony lasted uninterruptedly until the morning of the 7th. I cannot tell you how much I suffered during this period of anguish. Even my entrails were torn and ruptured by the weapon, and nothing was spared. From that day on I have been mortally wounded. I feel in the depths of my soul a wound that is always open and which causes me continual agony.

In a letter to Padre Benedetto, on September 5, 1918, Padre Pio talked more about the suffering and anger he was enduring. "I see myself submerged in an ocean of fire! The wound which has been reopened bleeds incessantly. This alone is enough to make me die a thousand times. ..... The excessive pain of this open wound makes me angry against my will, drives me crazy and makes me delirious. I am powerless in face of it." This letter was written 13 days before he received the stigmata. He was referring to the transverberation of the heart.

Dr. Luigi Romanelli, the Chief of Staff of the city hospital of Barletta, was asked by the father provincial of the Capuchin order to examine Padre Pio. Dr. Romanelli conducted five examinations over a period of fifteen months. In November, 1920, he submitted this report: "Padre Pio has a very deep cut in the fifth intercostal space on the left side, 7 or 8 cm. long (about 2 3/4 or 3 inches), parallel to the ribs. That depth is great, but it is very difficult to ascertain.

At approximately the same time as Dr. Romanelli was examining Padre Pio, the General Superiors of the Capuchin Order commissioned noted surgeon Giorgio Festa to also examine Padre Pio on October 9, 1919. His medical practice in Rome led many people to consider him one of the city's finest doctors. Among his other duties he was the head doctor and surgeon of the Capuchin's at their Motherhouse in Rome. About Padre Pio's side wound, Dr. Festa wrote:

"On the left side of the chest region of the body there is a final lesion in the form of an upside down cross. The perpendicular part measures about 7 cm. (2 3/4 inches). The line begins at about the fifth rib and slants down toward the cartilage border of the ribs. The horizontal part of the cross is about 4 cm. (About 1 1/2 inches) long. It does not intersect at right angles but at a slant, a point 5 cm. (about 2 inches) down from the point where the perpendicular bar begins. It seems to spread out and become more straight as it reaches the lower extremity.

"The figure of a cross is merely on the surface. The two lines are about as big as 1 cm. (About 1/4 inch). Their color is like that of the other lesions. The center part is covered with a thin and small scab. Here again the surrounding tissue shows no trace of redness, edema, swelling, or infection.

"Although these wounds appear superficial, drops of blood appeared before my very eyes in a quantity more remarkable than on the other wounds... The loss of blood is substantial, continuous and occurs for a long time. ..."

We believe we have each been given gifts in accordance with our walk with the Lord. For Padre Pio, the transverberation of the heart may well have been to prepare him for the stigmata, which he was to receive shortly after. It may also have been given to him as a source of strength and joy, that would offset the physical pain and agony which the Lord wanted to use for His glory. We say this because of the following letter which he wrote on January 12, 1919:

"Because of the exultation of possessing Him in me, I cannot refrain from saying with the most holy Virgin, My spirit rejoices in God my Savior. Possessing Him within me, I am impelled to say with the spouse of the Sacred Song, I found Him whom my soul loves; I held Him and would not let Him go."

[happinessisdownsyndrome]

Living in the upside down

In 2017, I was pregnant with Clay and desperate to find a good show on Netflix. I began watching STRANGER THINGS and became instantly hooked. The idea that there could be this other, parallel universe was fascinating. I'm not usually a science fiction kind of gal but something about this show gripped me.

When the second season of the show came out, I had just found out I was pregnant for the second time. I was excited and anticipated the arrival of baby #2! These feelings shifted drastically on the fourth of July when I suffered a miscarriage. Braden, Clay and I were staying at hotel near the beach and I remember experiencing extreme pain (emotionally and physically) for hours. At some point in the evening, I suggested to Braden that we start watching the new season of STRANGER THINGS, just so I could take my mind off of what had happened.

Lying in bed in that small, musty hotel room by the beach, the show felt dark and terrifying. More than the first season. Much like the characters in the show, my world had been turned upside down and I didn't know which way was up. I didn't know what to believe or think. Outside the room I heard fireworks and people celebrating Independence Day. Inside the room, I was just confused and afraid.

Now, in 2020, we are in the midst of a global pandemic. My third pregnancy a few months ago resulted in the birth of a child with Down syndrome. Nothing feels the same and every road I approach looks like the path less traveled. Some roads look clear and pleasant and others, not so much.

I was browsing the internet the other day and I came across an article about STRANGER THINGS picking up filming for the third season. The finish date is unknown and the premiere date is unknown. This was not surprising because everything in 2020 seems to be unknown. The only sure thing is that nothing will ever be the same in the world or in my personal life.

It clicked in that moment that I am LIVING in the upside down. I once feared this parallel universe and hated when the characters in the show were transported there. But now, I find myself in a mysterious, sometimes slimy, dark, uncharted tunnel with adventure at every turn. The destination is unclear but it is evident that I need to keep moving forward.

Here's where the parallels to STRANGER THINGS end, in my life. Unlike the show, my upside down is not filled with monsters (except maybe the ones that infiltrate my own head when things don't go the way I want them!) and we are not facing the end of the world (right?!). If anything, it is the beginning of a whole new chapter.

It's easy to fear the things we cannot see. We often discredit what we haven't experienced or don't want to take the time to face. However, the upside down is currently all around us. There are people in every corner of our lives who have experienced change, depression, anger, loneliness, trauma, heartbreak, loss and much more in the past eight months. Ignoring that this parallel universe exists only separates us to a greater degree.

I'm making it a practice to count my blessings everyday and keep my eyes focused on the brightly shining sun. Even when it feels like the light will burn, it's important to stay focused on the constant and faithful God I have come to know.. I am consciously attempting to tell my story to anyone who wants to listen in order to demonstrate that pain can be turned into unspeakable joy.

While I never expected to give birth to a child with special needs during COVID, I'm sure this will be one of the most defining years of my life. 2020 is the year that shook and shattered everything comfortable and handed me a big and brittle basket of lemons. The lemonade I have chosen to make with God's guiding hand is the sweetest and brightest beverage I've ever tasted.

Sometimes the monsters we are hiding from are blessings in disguise. So, let's boldly walk into the unknown with sharpened swords and strong armor. We are not alone and this is not the end.

[apicturewithasmile]

(1/ )CBA here. Maddie you are such a joy. I get a kick out of knowing that we're two strangers half a world away, and we can both just get a moment to smile and be excited about interacting. The world is so funny sometimes. 2016 seems to have been "that' year for everyone. How the whole world can emotionally collapse because a year is just that bad is so bizarre. I'd like to hop over to the other parallel universe where the world wasn't boned lol. Yay for meds! My doc is still playing with my

(2 )doses, so I totally get how much they can affect the day in and day out. My sister described it like riding a roller coaster, but the meds make the rises and falls shorter and more bearable. I find that true. Also, fluffy is my favorite description for men. =D I don’t mind the cherrberry tagging, I just found the porn suuuuuper funny. It seems like a niche pairing for whatever fandom it is. Poor rarepair soul. I thought I’d mention one other thing that struck me quite powerfully.

(3)I noticed when glancing through your about me section, that you’re actually bisexual! I hadn’t realized. I’ve been slowly coming to accept that label for myself, and have a very peculiar reaction to one of your posts. It was like (to quote from Watership Down) “..he drew in his breath, as though startled to recognize his own half-known thoughts.” You talked about your depression trying to convince you that you were faking being bi, or not, and being uncertain how you felt attraction

(5) Anyway, I hope you have a nice day (or night, depending on what time you read this) and know that you’re very inspiring. =] -CBA

Oh dear…. I fear tumblr ate part 4?! But I guess I know which direction you were going :)

Anyway… I’m actually hoping to go off my meds within 2k17. I’m gonna talk to my psychiatrist at the end of the month about halfing my dosage to see how that works out for me and then maybe I can get off it entirely by the end of the year. They help a lot but I kinda feel like I have my life back in control so I may not need them at all anymore and it’d be nice to get rid of the side effecty. I am always extremely tired in the morning and I gained like 30 pounds. Not as if looks or weight mattered but I am a cheap bitch and rather wanna get back to my old weight than buy all new clothes.

I hope you and your doc will find the right dosage for you as well and you get better. I can imagine that with the loss of your father that put the roller coaster back to turbo mode but it’ll definitly get better. I’ve only ever lost one person whom I dearly loved - my singing teacher who died of cancer in 2015 - and it’s been quite rough getting over it. I can only imagine hoe it must be to lose your dad.

About bisexuality, I actually decided that in order to tackle my own internalised biphobia (and the doubts that mainly came from the depression) what I should do was help other bi people, so I created a bi advice blog @gettin-bi-bi-bi. I tell people they’re “bi enough” so many times a day that I convinced myself that I am as well lol maybe you wanna have a look at it. (Edit: I just ralised that I mentioned this in my about me page so you’ve probably already seen the bi blog.)

And I’m very glad that my partner is super supportive in that department as well. I know to the outside world we look Straight��� but he’s always putting an effort into reminding myself of my own queerness which is lovely as fuck. He’s just a really lovely and funny person omg. Here’s a picture of us btw, now you know why I called him “fluffy” because he literally is.

Aaaah anyway… I have to get back to work. My boss at the tea parlour is on vacation for another three weeks and so I am the queen of all the tea while she’s gone - which is great but that also means *Rhianna voice* work, work, work… I’ve been meaning to clean the shelves today so keep your fingers crossed that I don’t break any tea cups or tea pots.

[mvansuch0]

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales...

My name is Mary Van Such and I am a Psychology and Child Development major. I have been working in the field of Child Development for the last 18 years and am currently an Early Childhood Educator.While my passion is in working with children, I am intrigued by all things Psychology and am specifically interested in Abnormal Psychology (and not just because I’ve mentally diagnosed everyone I know). 

Cognitive Psychology isn’t exactly my cup of tea, as I wouldn’t exactly call myself a scientist. I seem to recall my high school biology teacher reminding me that I was sweet, but I wouldn’t know the difference between mitosis and meiosis if it bit me. Unfortunately, for a time, I thought mitosis could, in fact, bite me. In taking Cognitive Psychology this semester, I have found myself very interested in the way that the brain influences every aspect of human existence. Recognizing that different parts of the brain control different aspects of senses, memories, and emotions, I set out this term to study the parts of the brain, the way it works, and the issues that can come from it. When the book blog was assigned, I just picked a book from the list without much thought. Actually, due to this pandemic business, I picked the first book that Amazon would ship with any haste. The winner of the shipment race was none other than The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat and Other Clinical Tales (1985… written the year I was born, curious?), by Oliver Sacks (followed just days later by Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman...its next on my list). I knew I recognized the name Oliver Sacks, but couldn’t imagine why, I discovered as I read the book that he made reference to ‘Awakenings’ several times… I didn’t seem to realize that it was a book I had read until I finished the book. Silly me. I also find it ironic that during the time I was supposed to be reading the book, I stayed up late one night watching the 1990 film ‘Awakenings’ on HBO. Strange coincidence? Unconscious cognitive parallel? Who knows? Actually, Oliver Sacks might! Oliver Sacks, MD was born in 1933 in London, England. He came from a family of scientists, as his father was a general practitioner and his mother was a surgeon. He earned his medical degree at Oxford University and did his residency and fellowship in San Francisco and at UCLA. From then, he moved to New York and was practicing as a Neurologist, which is where these stories originated. From Sacks’s practice in the Bronx came the study found in the book Awakenings.He is also known for An Anthropologist on Mars, Seeing Voices, The Island of the Colorblind. He wrote about being a doctor in Migraine and he also wrote about being a patient in A Leg to Stand On. His autobiography, Uncle Tungsten: Memories of a Chemical Boyhood was published in 2001. His most recent books are Musicophilia, The Mind’s Eye, and Hallucinations.

In February 2015, Dr. Sacks announced that he had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, a previously treated ocular melanoma which had spread to his liver, and he died in August of that year. In his lifetime, Oliver Sacks worked as a leading Neurologist, and as a professor of Neurology at NYU School of Medicine. He was well-known in the medical community, well practiced, and his writing was a testament to his work. As a best-selling author, he would be considered extremely knowledgeable on the subject of cognitive neuroscience, and as a reader of his work, it is obvious as to why. Oliver Sacks’ The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales tells the brief stories of case studies that center around the idea of neurology. The book is broken up into four parts, each part giving color to a different aspect of abnormalities in cognitive neurology. Part One discusses the cases of Losses or deficits in the regular function of the brain. He alludes that ‘mental illness’  is too confining a term, and that each of the subjects of his study find ways of compensating for their deficits with other senses, other parts of the brain. The cases discussed in Part One include Dr. P, who has face blindness (which I thought was something made up in the Netflix show Arrested Development), he is the subject of the title of the book. His rare face blindness keeps him from being able to tell the difference between his wife’s face and his hat. The other cases include those who suffer from Korsakov’s Syndrome (cannot remember things for more than a few seconds), the loss of Proprioception (a person who cannot feel their own body), someone with Cerebral Palsy who cannot control or perceive her own hands, a Parkinson’s patient who walks tilted because the Parkinson’s is keeping him from integrating the information from his vestibular system (his inner level), and a woman who has had a stroke and cannot even conceive the idea of the “left.” With the help of Dr. Sacks, Part One shows how these patients find ways of compensating. Some of them are consciously able to overcome, and some of them find unconscious ways to deal with their neurological problems. Each of the cases that are studied in Part One find ways to live fairly normal lives.

Part two divulges the Excesses found in neurological diseases. It juxtaposes the deficits and deals in the excess of certain processes of the brain. While Part One talked about the way the brain compensated for the neurological illnesses, Part Two focuses more on the life that these patients lead, and how they are affected by their cognitive dysfunctions. Many of the patients discussed in Part Two have Tourette’s Syndrome, which wasn’t well known and thought to be rare. During the time of Dr. Sacks’ practice, the medical community realized that this was far more common than once believed. An interesting point throughout Part Two is that some of the cases studied found some of their excessive behaviors as benefits in their lives, rather than hindrances. The chaos associated with something like Tourette’s Syndrome was explained as a benefit in that, the lack of it made him very dull and without a sense of ‘self.’ Part Three deals in Transports where the neurological conditions alter the patients view of the world, and in some ways transports them to a different time, different world, different concept. One of these transports includes the constant sounds of music, nostalgia, and euphoria that turn out to be related to seizures in the temporal lobe. Another case that also describes a euphoric sensation turns out to be a brain tumor. One patient’s story is about a drug-induced murder that was forgotten, only to be brought back into graphic detail by terrible brain damage. Dr. Sacks also writes about a famous mystic, said to have divine visions, but claims them physiological in origin. He attributes them to seizures and hallucinations. (In later research I learned that Oliver Sacks considered himself a ‘Jewish Atheist.’) In Part Four of the book, Dr. Sacks shares his work with patients that are mentally challenged, intellectually disabled, and ultimately looked down on by society as pathetic. While the disabilities keep them from achieving certain statuses, the subjects are recognized as being rich in beauty. Many of the patients discussed find gifts in the arts and Dr. Sacks finds a way to see their talents. These talents include poetic prowess, musical knowledge, mathematical gifts, and artistry. Through these gifts, these subjects are observed as achieving great joy (even without intellectual ability).

While this book does not argue one specific aspect of cognitive psychology or neuroscience, it does tell the very human tale of a doctor who recognizes humanity in every person, despite the insufficiencies of their brain. Dr. Sacks’ views are of the ways that these subjects relate to others that have been studied in the field, and ways that they are individuals. In my opinion, this book does not define an aspect of neuroscience, but it does add humanity to an otherwise robotic field. The intended audience seems to be the common person, the terms that are associated with these case studies are defined and the stories are described in a way that they are relative to anyone reading (though I’m sure someone with beforehand knowledge of the subject would understand the medical terminology more readily). It is clear throughout this book the Oliver Sacks is well-versed in his subject, he also makes reference to many other neuroscientists and psychologists, as well as other clinicians. I felt that my brief introduction to cognitive psychology granted me access to everything that Dr. Sacks was trying to convey through this book. I was able to understand when the patients discussed would undergo tests on different parts of the brain, and I felt I was able to understand why these parts of the brain may have contributed to the neurological disorders that were described.

Now comes the time for honesty, I have dropped Cognitive Psychology in the past because I found the subject boring, I am not a science person, and I didn’t want to do the work to make it through the early weeks on the different parts and functions of the brain. When I started reading this book (prior to realizing that I recognized the author and had read his work before), I was bored to death. I even had to download the Audible version to read along with me so that I could stay focused. In concluding my reading and analysis of The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat and Other Clinical Tales, I am much more intrigued by cognitive neuroscience that I could have imagined. I think what intrigues me most in my studies is that each individual  has a story. These stories are influenced by both nature and nurture. The brain is a unique storyteller in that, it may have the same parts, but it tells a different story with each individual. I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone who is interested in cognitive neuroscience and moreso, the stories that go along with it. 

References Sacks, O. (1985). The man who mistook his wife for a hat and other clinical tales. New York: Summit Books. https://www.oliversacks.com/